Beauty – Beauty in the Unknown

Intuition always tells the truth

Intuition. It’s always there, guiding us, protecting us. Everyone has it, and everyone has the ability to tune in. It’s that nudge within us that defies logic, and tells you which way to go. Sometimes it’s subtle, and sometimes it’s banging on the door. Either way, it invites you to listen. When we pay attention, we can be rewarded and amazed. But if we don’t, we can be kicking ourselves later, wishing we had listened to that small voice inside our head. Our intuition wants to be heard so that it can reveal its secrets to us. Intuition always tells the truth.

I love it when I can connect the dots back of why I made a decision that turned out in my favor. I hate it when I know that I should have listened to my heart, but didn’t. Those are the times that hurt the most. One example of not listening to my inner guidance was during a visit to Indiana. I chose to hang out with a friend, when my soul wanted to spend an evening with my Grandma Fellure. Watching TV and catching up with her sounded like the perfect night. However, I already had plans with my friend, and knew I would see my Grandma later that weekend, so I chose to go with my logical mind and the plans already in place. I now wish that I would have followed my intuition that told me to just rest and lay low. Be present with your Grandma, the time with her is so precious and coming to an end. Had I spent time with my Grandma that evening, that would have been our last one on one time together. Crossroads like that confirm that I need to listen to my intuition, even if I don’t understand it at the time.

The best feeling is when you follow your intuition and you receive a nice surprise that you didn’t know that you needed. In February 2019, as I watched my Alma Mater’s Girls Basketball team go to the State Finals, I missed friends and family in Benton County. I missed the magic and excitement of Indiana Basketball in a small town. That week, I was going through some old papers, and came across a newspaper with my classmates from high school. Around the same time, I had the desire for sushi. The kind that I wanted was available at the grocery store where I normally don’t shop. It was right after work, and I would usually avoid the after-work crowd. I thought, “maybe I should go later, or do I really need sushi right now? It’s going to be really busy, maybe I should just go another day?” But, I decided to go anyway. Sushi and bananas were on my short list. I’d get my items quickly and then be on my way. I walked in, and went straight for the bananas, focused on picking the best ones. In my peripheral vision, I saw a few moms with kids in their carts. And then, as the 2 moms talked from across the aisle, I heard my friend’s voice. Could it really be my classmate who I had just seen in my newspaper clipping? Yes, it was!

The year before, I had ran into another classmate from high school and he had mentioned that our classmate lived in the area. I had intended to connect with her through social media, but hadn’t gotten a chance to as life brought my focus to other things. I was so happy to see her and give her a big hug. In that moment, it all made sense why I wanted sushi and needed to go to that specific grocery store right then. To see a friend who I hadn’t seen in 18 years, from a town almost 700 miles away. To hear a voice that I hadn’t heard in 18 years, yet I instantly recognized. She had moved recently to a home 3 miles away from me, and that was her normal grocery store. During this time, I needed to be reminded of how small this world is, and it became clear why I was there. She was a reminder of my friends and family in Indiana, and proved that you are always in the right place at the right time. I have enjoyed reconnecting with her and her family, and am thankful that I followed my stomach’s hunger for sushi!

Think back to a time that you were grateful that you followed your intuition. Now think of a time when you wished you would have listened to your gut. If you are like me, you can think of many examples. Maybe it is as simple as sitting in traffic when you knew you should have taken the country roads. Or as fun as calling a friend to hear them say that they were just thinking of you! When we can prove to ourselves the validity of this inner knowing, why would we not follow it? Why do we let other’s opinions and our idea of what we think we should be doing get in the way of listening to our heart? There can be many distractions in our lives, and a lot of them are things that we have the control to release. Taking a moment to check in with what we feel is right for us in our next step can pay us dividends. It’s easy to ignore our intuition when our society favors logic and reason. But, the next time you have a hunch or feeling, I invite you trust yourself. You already have the answers within you. The truth is in this moment. Practice letting go of what you feel like you should do, and choose what feels best for you. Allow the unseen world to surprise and delight you. What if your intuition is just waiting for you to follow it? Why not take a chance and listen to the whisper within?

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When your call is answered

September 7, 2020September 7, 2020by TraceyLeave a Comment

By Tracey Lemming

Think back to a moment in your life when a call was answered. When a prayer was answered. Was it immediate, or did it take years to receive? I believe that we all have times in our lives when we can look back and see the connection of a call and a response in our life. Sometimes it feels as if we will never receive the answer, but if we keep our mind fixed on what we want, it will come to fruition. Is there a question that you have been asking to a higher power? Are you sowing seeds of expectancy, or seeds of doubt?

Growing up, I knew that I needed jaw surgery to correct my bite. It was hard to chew and only my back teeth touched, putting a lot of pressure on them. This could lead to serious problems if it wasn’t corrected. When my older sister was in high school, she had the same jaw surgery that I needed. At the time, my Dad’s insurance paid for her surgery, but when I was old enough for it, the insurance companies considered it a cosmetic/elective surgery and would not pay for it. Knowing at a young age that this condition existed, the orthodontist gave me a dental appliance to wear to try to correct my bite. Unfortunately it didn’t work. Surgery would be the answer, and surgery was very expensive.

After college, I again met with my orthodontist and he referred me to a specialist. Again, I heard “well you really need to have this surgery, but it will not be covered by insurance.” The specialist and orthodontist wrote letters and sent x-rays to the insurance company showing why the surgery was medially necessary, but the claim was denied. Of course I adapted and was able to chew, but the jawline affected my profile and how I appeared to the world. I was always self-conscious of this. I didn’t feel as confident or as beautiful as I wanted to on the outside. I didn’t want to draw a lot of attention to myself, and I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I see that it affected my ability to speak my truth. It was easier to blend in and not be seen.

When I moved to North Carolina, I asked my Human Resources contact for recommendations on finding a dentist, and I went to the one that she recommended within a few months of moving there. Of course, on my initial exam, the dentist asked me if anyone ever told me that I need jaw surgery. Well yes, I’ve been told this my whole life I explained, but the cost is so much, and wouldn’t be covered by insurance. Of course, I would love to have this surgery, but it really did feel like a dead end road after years of hearing no. My dentist mentioned an oral surgeon down the road who was great, and she encouraged me to meet with her. She said that she had a really good track record of getting this surgery approved by insurance. I agreed to meet with her and could feel some hope coming back.

When I met with the oral surgeon, I felt like I had finally gone to the right doctor. I trusted her and her opinion, and I felt comfortable with her and her recommendations. With this surgery being on my face, I really wanted to make sure that the doctor was someone who I could trust and cared for me as a person and patient. After going over options, she recommended upper jaw surgery only, which would be less expensive and invasive. After thinking of the expense as a really expensive car, I decided to go ahead with the process, whether insurance covered it or not. I knew that this would be the best for me in the long run and decided to invest in myself. I would have braces for a year, which would actually make things “worse” but give my teeth room for the the surgery to be performed. The next year of braces, would be pulling everything back together to perfect my smile. I was so thankful for this process, and I knew that it would not only help me to chew easier, but I thought that it would also help my confidence as well. It did just that, and I really felt beautiful inside and out.

Throughout the 2 year process, friends and family were there to help. I was thankful to have the time to go to my appointments. My parents and niece Claire came down for the surgery and stayed for a week. I know that they wished they could have stayed longer to help, but when they left, my Mary Kay director was there to take me to appointments and make sure that I had enough food (mostly mashed potatoes, soups, ensure protein drinks), since I couldn’t chew for a few weeks. At this time, I also learned the power of visualization and listening to healing tracks. I now know the power that your mind and subconscious have on your body, and this definitely sped up my healing.

About 6 months into the braces and process, the insurance company partially approved my surgery, and I was so thankful that I only had to pay the max out of pocket expenses. I learned that when you take a step towards what you want, you will always be provided for in some way or another. I truly believe that one of the reasons that I was led to North Carolina was to have this surgery. The doctors in the area (UNC and Duke) are some of the best in the world. I even was able to have my surgery in a specialty hospital that had the lowest infection rate in the state of North Carolina. And at this hospital, I was assured, even when my 24 hours were up, I would not be “kicked out” and would be given the time to be discharged when I was ready. It was truly a great experience from the start to the finish.

After another year of braces, I could finally see my vision realized. I was so happy to finally feel as beautiful as I always wanted to. My prayer wasn’t answered when I wanted it to be, but there was a better and more aligned time for me to go through this process. I truly believe that finally having the surgery that I had hoped I would someday have was a huge reason that my journey led me to North Carolina. Within months of arriving, the 2 year process was set in motion. The right people showed up at exactly the right time. Had I had the surgery when I wanted, I may have had both upper and lower jaw surgery as recommended, which may not have been necessary. I may not have been as happy with my results and the process as I am. I may not have had such a great experience and the insurance approval of the surgery. It was truly a great experience, and I know that this call was answered in perfect timing.

So, the next time that you have a prayer, know that it may not be answered on your time. But, it may be answered in a more aligned and perfect time for you. It’s easy to give up hope, and the surgery was something I wanted for many years. I knew that it would improve my quality of life, and it did. It was truly a gift, and I believe if you hold a vision in your mind and let go of how and when it “should” happen, you may be surprised when your call is answered. But when it is, you will know without a doubt that it was. Plant seeds of faith, and know that your desire is on it’s way. Allow yourself to relax and let go of the need to control. Allow the higher power in your life to surprise and delight you in the unfolding of your journey. There is so much unknown, but do your best to remain positive, and celebrate the signs that you are headed in the right direction. When you are call is answered, you will know and the winding roads will all make sense. Is there something you have been praying for for years? Are you keeping the faith?

Grief

The part of me

August 5, 2020August 5, 2020by Tracey2 Comments

By Tracey Lemming

Lately, the chorus from Katy Perry’s “Part of Me” has been coming to my mind, over and over again. “This is the part of me, that you’re never gonna ever take away from me.” You know it, and it’s probably stuck in your head too now! I believe there is a part of me, and a part of you that no one can ever take away from us. As we see more of our freedoms being taken away, our soul, or inner world, is the part of us that is always ours. No one can ever take away our thoughts, feelings, and imagination.

I once read “Man’s search for meaning” by Victor Frankl. He was a Holcaust survivor, and what I remember most from this book was how even when he was faced with the worst unthinkable circumstances in the Nazi concentration camps, he chose how he reacted, and did not allow outside circumstances to break his spirit. We are all dealt cards in our life, and we get the choice on how we choose to play them. Do we fold, or do we choose another card, keep playing, and look for the chance for a royal flush? Do we find meaning in what has showed up in our life?

When my Dad was 45, he was diagnosed with a very rare, stage 4 cancer. I was 16, and when my parents told me that he had cancer, that was the first time I remember seeing my Dad cry. My parents didn’t tell me that it was stage 4 cancer with little chance of survival, so although I worried, I truly didn’t know the extent of what my Dad was up against until he passed away 20 years later. He didn’t complain about many of the obstacles he faced, including having a feeding tube at least for the last 10 years of his life and losing the use of his right arm due to the radiation. And because he didn’t complain, I rarely found things to complain about, and have always been able to see the bright side of things. One of my Dad’s friends spoke at my Dad’s funeral about how he showed up to work even when he didn’t always feel the best, because he knew if my Dad could show up for work when he faced many obstacles, so could he. It’s amazing, we really don’t know the example that we are setting for others simply by showing up when it would have been easier to not. What example are you setting for those around you?

My Dad used his VICTORY over cancer and his life’s journey to be an inspiration and mentor to many others. What he offered to many who faced their own battle with cancer was a great gift, HOPE. He was able to show others that no matter what you are facing, miracles happen every day. I believe that because he didn’t complain about his circumstances and used his creativity to find solutions, he was able to keep going when others may have thrown in the towel. There was a part of him that refused to give up, that always wanted to win. He was a champion in life, not just in 1972 when his beloved Pine Knots were Sectional Champs in basketball. Indiana basketball at its finest. My Dad kept the winning mentality throughout his life, even when part of him may have felt like giving up.

When my Dad was first diagnosed with cancer, he was given the books “Small Miracles: Extraordinary coincidences of Everyday Life” by Yitta Halberstam and “Don’t sweat the small stuff, and it’s all small stuff” by Richard Carlson. I read those books during this trying time, and these titles have become the themes of my life. I choose to look for meaning in the coincidences that show up in my life. Coincidence is taken from the word coincide, which means to fit perfectly together. I know that all that we receive is on purpose and in perfect timing. In the grand scheme of things, many things we see as big deals in the moment truly aren’t worth the stress and energy. Like anyone, I can get sucked into stress-response cycles, but they usually don’t last too long. There is a part of me that knows that all of us in this world are connected. We can easily see division if we look for it, but we can also see stories of strength, unity, and perseverance.

Think about the part of you that no one else can ever take away. It’s unique, and yours alone. It’s always with you, and in times of uncertainty and doubt, you will always find it within. Sometimes the endless chatter in our minds may drown it out, but when you take a moment to center yourself and let go of all the distractions, that is when it will appear. Keep breathing. Keep going. Know that no matter what uncertainty we all face at this time, there is a part of you that knows your next best step. There is a part of you that knows that healing and unity are possible. Embrace this one-of-a-kind part of you, and together these parts of us can illuminate the darkness. How will you use your light within you?

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Sound decisions come in the silence

July 22, 2020July 25, 2020by Tracey1 Comment

Written by Tracey Lemming, Photo by David Besh from Pexels

I used to have a habit of overthinking things when it was time to make a decision, big or small. And sometimes I still do! I’d make lists, research, and talk to loved ones about what they would do. I’d look outside myself for some sort of validation. Sitting on the fence for too long can definitely be worse than making a decision, and adjusting if need be. I didn’t want to make the “wrong decision.” The question is, is there ever really a wrong decision?

Sometimes we wish that things had gone a different way, but most of the time, we learn and grow. We pivot, and take knowledge with us to make a better decision next time or help someone else with a new perspective along the way. We can sulk about the past and what we should have done, or take responsibility for our decision, and see what good it has brought into our life, even if it was just the knowledge to not do that again. There’s always a bright side. However we choose to see it, that is our choice, and one more decision that we get to make.

There are times that you just know, and can’t explain why you make a certain decision, even if it looks like a strange idea to outsiders. It’s called listening to your intuition, and it’s not often taught in our society where logic and facts and figures rule. A few weeks before graduation at Purdue, I realized that the jobs that I was applying for with my soon-to-be Management major didn’t feel right. They weren’t exactly what I wanted to do at the time, although I couldn’t explain why not. The thought of staying another year and getting my Accounting degree came to mind. Probably should have thought about that earlier, but after speaking with my academic advisor, I realized that it was doable. Taking a summer course and all Accounting courses my Super Senior year would give me a double major, as well as the required 150 credit hours to sit for the CPA exam. Which I would pass a few years later! And when I graduated a year later, I couldn’t have been happier and I was excited to take my first job in Accounting. If I had looked for advice outside of myself, I may have been talked into graduating on time, and I would have missed out with an extra year with my friends!

As time has gone on, I have learned to trust and listen to my own intuition. There’s many times that I didn’t listen, and those were the times that I wished that I had. Like when my intuition told me to visit my Grandma on a Friday night, but I chose to see a friend instead. Not knowing that it would be my last weekend with her, I wish I would have listened to my inner wisdom. But, it’s a lesson to learn and one more reason to trust your own intuition.

I believe that sound decisions come in the silence. If we can take a moment to breathe, relax, and quiet our mind, this is when our internal guidance usually comes through. Maybe you have a quiet space to sit in a comfortable chair, or maybe you like to hike and find a space in nature with the warmth of the sun and a gentle breeze. It could even be a few moments in your car before walking into a home with your spouse and children. Whatever feels best to you, go with it. And the more that you can practice this, the louder and quicker your intuition will speak. It’s a skill that I recommend as it will make your decisions easier. No more making pros and cons lists, and spending precious energy wondering what if you make the wrong decision. Checking in with how you are feeling and being open to receive will give you a smoother road on your journey.

Sometimes the guidance that you receive sounds crazy, but those are usually the times that you receive the biggest reward when you follow it. The next time you are faced with a decision, big or small, that you would normally look for advice from others, take a moment to breathe and listen to the silence. Observe your thoughts and any inspiration or nudges that you may receive. And take a moment to reflect, when’s the last time you followed your intuition and it led you to something great? When did you choose to listen to your head instead of your heart? Given the choice, which one would you listen to next time?

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Beauty in the Unknown

March 2, 2020July 4, 2020by Tracey6 Comments

Written by Tracey Lemming

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

I like to know what to expect. If I am going somewhere unfamiliar (or even familiar), I like to set my map so I know exactly when I need to leave in order to arrive on time, the best route, and where the traffic may be. If I’m going to a new restaurant, I like to read the menu online so I’m prepared on what to order, and read the reviews so I know others opinions.

We live in a world where so much can be anticipated, so much can be planned. I once was talking with my friend Amanda about how most people go to the same 25 places, even though we live in a world with so many options. We go to the same Target, the same Post Office, and park in the same spots. Think about it. When was the last time you went to a new store or park, just for the fun of it?

Our minds like routines, and we feel like we are more efficient and prepared when we know what to expect. But where does the growth and beauty lie? It lies in the unknown. It lies in pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zone and trying something new. It’s in the space to explore and learn. After awhile, the unknown becomes our new routine. It becomes our new normal. Then the question is, what next?

Sometimes we choose to try the unknown, but sometimes it’s forced on us. Our world falls apart as we know longer know the exact path to follow. What once fit, no longer does. We lose a loved one or suffer a loss, and our world changes. We can’t go back, even though we want to. We are forced to navigate a new path. The person we were is no longer there, and others don’t always understand. How can they? They are forced to navigate a new path as well, as you become a new version of yourself. They expect you to act in a familiar way, and your new way of being throws them for a loop as well. Maybe they reach out, maybe they don’t. Maybe they give advice when it’s not asked. But listening to the wisdom of your own soul is the only knowing that you need. You know that there’s a lesson in this all. You know that your story can help someone, and that even though you can’t always see it, there is beauty in the unknown.